Elsa Schraeder's Secret
by amcarlton12
Summary: Is Baroness Schraeder really the villain? Stunningly beautiful and deeply unhappy, she has carried a secret for years. And in leaving Georg's house for the last time she finally admits that she had been in love with his dead wife.


Elsa Schraeder was only superficially heartbroken when she left Georg's villa in the lake and mountain district of Salzburg, and she hated herself for it. Her cheeks burned with self-awareness and humiliation, but underneath was also a well of respite at his finding another, more compatible, partner. She didn't want him. She didn't want his love, only his money, and his connections.

As she briskly moved down the front park to her car where Max was waiting for her, her mind flew and bounced over distant memories of her own connections with Georg and what marriage to him would have meant to her. She remembered Agatha Von Trapp from school. She remembered swimming in the lakes naked with her and their wet golden hair dripping on each other as they lay on the banks to dry in the warm summer sun.

Elsa sighed heavily and clutched her left wrist tightly as if to brace herself against the sudden feeling the memory evoked. She had loved her, passionately, wildly and even, she thought, perversely. She had dreamt of her and longed for her all throughout school, they had been best friends but often Elsa had wondered if this was not because Elsa dogged her and used all her influence to ensure this. After all, Elsa had been very popular at school with many glamorous friends and connections. And it was true there were other girls that had loved Elsa, in the same way she loved Agatha. But Agatha, with her aloofness and her calm serenity, her chestnut warm skin and pretty thinking eyes sent Elsa's heart fluttering to the point of pain. Whenever Agatha looked at her from across the classroom with mischievous blue ticking eyes and a half smile, drawing pretty long dimples down her cheek Elsa would sit up straighter and hope that she looked confident and glorious, eager to adventure forth in whatever naughtiness Agatha wanted to get into that evening. For Agatha hated the schools rules and conventions. She had come from a great liberal family that had always encouraged freedom and originality; Agatha did not care about money or status (having always had those as a given) but instead cared for breaking down barriers and misbehaving. Elsa found it exhilarating. All of her other school friends and connections were dull, superficial and nothing compared to Agatha who represented to her almost an unreality. Strangely, to Elsa in her later life, she could never remember Agatha with her other friends, or indeed in any social setting except just with her, alone. She remembered smoking her first cigarette with Agatha late at night on the roof of the school, watching the stars. Or reading poetry on the lawn. She remembered watching Agatha in the memory in their dormitory room one languid afternoon as she applied blusher on her already rosy cheeks. And her body had quivered with desire for her.

And now, as Elsa opened the side door to the car and sat down next to Max without a word she felt a deep significance in leaving Georg's house for the last time. She was forever leaving Agatha. And as she closed to the door, hearing the click on the lock she suddenly realized with a shiver and a chill of awareness that it was not jealousy that she had felt for Agatha all these years but unrequited love followed by loss. And she laughed, sharply. Max glanced at her confused as he drove away. And she laughed again, clasping her forehead…the feeling of realization came with such relief and such abandon and she smiled at Max. Suddenly she understood why she loved Max so defensively like a real best friend.

"What on Earth could possibly be funny?" Max asked piqued. He was just as disappointed by the failed engagement because he would have also benefited from the arrangement, and he was also in love with Georg and had no other means to be around him, for Georg did not have close male friends or relations.

"Max…we're alike. If only you had been a woman and I had been a man."

"Feeling philosophical?" Max said ironically, not really interested in bantering with Elsa now. Elsa looked away from him, straight out the windshield in front of her, a sad sort of smile still on her face as she said,

"Do you remember Agatha Von Trapp, Georg's first wife?"

"Of course" Max said with a small inner spasm of annoyance. He had always been fiercely jealous of Agatha and Georg. The two had been unreasonably happy together, physically and emotionally removed and beautiful. They had come often enough to Vienna to maintain their social sphere, at least until Agatha got sick, but they had always remained an island to themselves, an island of impenetrable domestic bliss. It sickened Max to remember.

"Then you'll remember that I went to school with her, we were childhood friends?" Elsa said her voice not as steady as she would have liked. She was becoming nervous. Though she new of Max's little diversions with various men, they had never vocalized them to each other, but with her newfound self-knowledge she felt she must tell someone or burst.

"Yes…" Max said tentatively, his hands relaxing a bit on the steering wheel in interest. He loved gossip and he knew Elsa well enough to know that some revelation was coming; she never could keep a secret.

"I loved her." Elsa said finally, sighing, surprised to find her face tightening in an effort to hold back shallow tears forming in her eyes. They drove on as both of them took in this information, processing the meaning. Then Elsa continued, compelled towards clarity, "I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone. No, I haven't loved anyone else really," Elsa laughed bitterly, twisting her glove in her hand, she hadn't realized she'd taken off, "I wanted her, but I introduced her to Georg and then encouraged her to marry him…not that she needed encouraging, it was inevitable…but I loved her, maybe more than he did. That's why I wanted him more than any other very rich and handsome man." She felt happy. Now that she had said it out loud it felt suddenly real and palpable. The truth became a reality in Max. Elsa had loved Agatha. Had wanted Agatha.

Max was delighted! So, Elsa Schrader was like him! They were not evil after all; they were one in the same. They were destined to be unloved and this made him feel sad but also thrilled that he was not suffering alone, that she was suffering with him. And that Agatha did not die pure and white but branded in eternity with the unrequited love of a woman on her flesh. A woman had loved her and not just any woman, but his Elsa. Cunning, hot and sharp Elsa, who he often thought if he were a straight man, would have been the only woman for him. She was, in his opinion, everything a woman should be: fierce, bold and stunning. And suddenly his heart swelled with anger anew towards Agatha, who preferred the subdued and quite underground well of Georg to his Elsa. In a perfect world Georg would have loved him and Agatha would have loved Elsa and everything would have been roses. He tightened his hands on the wheel again and shifted realizing that he should speak, say anything. He cleared his throat.

"We are alike and we are alone. It's too bad, we are obviously meant to be together." Max said attempting at once to bond by letting her know it was all right and also to lighten the mood. Max could never be wholly serious, to his own annoyance. Elsa smiled tightly, lowering her face a bit to hold back tears, it was weak to cry. Finally she signed and lowered her shoulders. Then she took a cigarette out of her bag, lit it and turned to Max with a fierce resolve.

"You know, Herr Hitler doesn't approve of people like us." She said seriously.

Max's heart palpitated fearfully, "I know, but where is the proof?"

"Well…taking a leaf from Georg's book of rebellion…what do you say we throw ourselves a little party in Vienna? And invite everyone we know or suspect is…like us?"

"I thought you didn't care about politics, Elsa?" Said Max wondering at her reasons.

"Ohh I don't darling! I care about sex. And I'm bored with chasing things I don't want. And I'm bored of pretending." Elsa said mischievously, feeling that this would be the perfect way to honor Agatha, by rebelling against society.

Max thought, and a silence fell between them. He knew if he agreed and they threw this party that all doubt of his homosexuality would be blown away. He would be vulnerable and exposed. He had never wanted to make waves, always a bit afraid, he was a shadow in the background, watching and waiting. Still, the idea to seem refreshing and invigorating. How he longed to throw off his shackles and to stand bold and free, even if it was only for one night, even if he were arrested the next day.

Finally Max turned and with a half smile agreed. Elsa took a long drag of her cigarette and nodded. She was determined to make this party unforgettable.


End file.
